A household accident.

Dear Uncle Ted,

While trying to repair a D&D orc figurine’s accidentally severed arm, I accidentally superglued the fingers on my right hand to my computer desk. Make fun of me later – help me now. Within reach, I have, besides the tube of superglue, a half-full bottle of Coke Zero, the usual assortment of credit cards in my wallet, some DVD cases, a spork from Kentucky Fried Chicken and the plastic wrapper it came in, as well as a keyboard, mouse, and monitor. My roommate won’t be home until tomorrow morning and I have to pee really, really bad. Is there any sort of MacGuyver-ish alternative to tearing the skin off my fingertips or pissing myself?

Totally Fucked in Waukesha

Dear Totally Fucked:

You are.

And, no.

-Unk.

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