You need a ringer-T with a bacon sandwich and anti-Republican sentiment plastered across the front of it. You know you do.

Dear Uncle Ted,

How long are you keep reminding all nine of your readers that you’re selling cool crap on CafePress?

– Reader No. 5

Until every Democrat and Independent in America is walking around with a BLT on his or her chest, Dr. Kissinger. So start telling your friends.

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