Vrooooooom.

Dear Uncle Ted:

Do you think the Canadian government should change the street-legal status of mobility scooters in our country?

– Elizabeth Cadman, Vancouver, BC

Dear Elizabeth:

No.

Sweet Jesus, no.

Canadians will ride into the next battle for freedom on the back of a horse called Rascal, Elizabeth. Your obvious opposition to them and the patriots that ride them is clearly the result of your inability to see the future – the glorious, seven-and-a-half mile-per-hour future of your country. The sooner you stow your prejudices in the conveniently mounted basket behind your fully adjustable chair, the happier you’ll be.

-Unk.

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