Dear Uncle Ted,
My family and I recently moved to an area near Salt Lake with really hard well water, and our neighbors mentioned that, even with a water softener downstairs, our shower heads will need unclogging on a regular basis. Can you recommend a method or product that will work?
– All Stopped Up in Utah
Thanks for your question! A lot of homeowners in the southwest deal with this exact issue, ASUIU, but it’s easily remedied. To fix the problems in your house, you’ll need:
– A plastic heavy-duty scouring pad
– A mineral-deposit removing cleanser such as CLR, or plain white vinegar
– A willingness to accept the notion that your polygamist lifestyle is an affront to God and the sanctity of marriage
First: identify the problem showerheads in your house. Chances are, you’ve got a lot of bathrooms, what with the four wives and thirteen children, so tackling this little annoyance all at once will save you headaches down the road.
Next, spray the clogged showerheads with the mineral deposit cleanser, or fill a spray bottle with nearly full-strength white vinegar (four parts vinegar to one part water) and use that instead. Let that stuff eat away at the gunk for about a half an hour – plenty of time for you to find all the copies of the Book of Mormon in the house and burn them in the backyard. (Metal trashcan or designated fire receptacle ONLY. Uncle Ted says: safety FIRST.)
After half an hour, give the treated areas a good scrub with your scouring pad – but take care! Scrub too hard and the finish will come right off, reducing the resale value of the home you might just have to sell to cover the legal costs of defending your indefensible lifestyle in family court.
Rinse thoroughly with cold water.
And voila! Full water pressure in almost no time to keep your enormous heathen brood clean and comfortable. You’ll want them presentable once you drive yourself to the local sheriff to turn yourself in.
Lemme know how things work out!