Dear Uncle Ted,
Do you think I have any shot at getting together with 30 Rock writer and actress Tina Fey?
– Most of my male friends, various locations
Dudes. For the last time. She’s married. She’s got a kid. Her husband is a fricking MUSICIAN, for the love of Pete. She’s the hottest nerd on the planet. Do you really think, even if she was single, that she’d decide to hook up with any of your flabby asses? Please.
Besides. I get the feeling my thrice-daily deliveries of roses and tasteful nude self-portraits to her office are finally wearing her down.