Dear Uncle Ted,
I just got done watching Batman the Dark Knight, and I have some questions:
Has anyone ever told the Joker he might need some better foundation to help hold that white stuff on? I would maybe suggest Princess Borghese Mud Mask followed by some Chanel base. Also, a little Vitamin E would help the scar tissue…..
Also, is there any chance Bruce Wayne would date a girl like me? I’m not a DA or anything, but I have some nice dresses…besides, that Maggie Gyllenahaal is a hussy – haven’t you seen the Agent Provocateur ads she does???
Seriously Concerned about Gotham’s Image,
I’m gonna hafta disagree with you, Princess – I find the Joker’s approach to skin care and makeup embodies a less polished, yet livelier aesthetic, one more suited to these grittier times. It’s a look that says “I’m here to party, not to be seen at one.” And if my sources are correct, I believe Estee Lauder agrees, and is offering Liz Hurley’s soon-to-expire contract as one of the four faces of the cosmetics line to Mr. Joker – if not to provoke the marketplace, than at least to demonstrate a willingness to bring an undergound sensibility to the mainstream. Save the mud mask for yourself, young missy. We’re all gonna need some serious pore therapy if that greasepaint catches on.
As for Mr. Wayne – I believe if you follow his exploits in the papers, you’ll realize that his choice in arm candy leans heavily towards hussy. But I hope there’s room in Mr. Wayne’s future for someone with decorum, taste and style. Until that person comes along, however, may I forward the photo that you’ve sent to me on to Mr. Wayne? Your bikini, made out of what looks like poultry twine, is, I believe, exactly what Bruce is looking for right now. Decorum, taste and style, indeed.