Dear Uncle Ted:
Do you think the Canadian government should change the street-legal status of mobility scooters in our country?
– Elizabeth Cadman, Vancouver, BC
Sweet Jesus, no.
Canadians will ride into the next battle for freedom on the back of a horse called Rascal, Elizabeth. Your obvious opposition to them and the patriots that ride them is clearly the result of your inability to see the future – the glorious, seven-and-a-half mile-per-hour future of your country. The sooner you stow your prejudices in the conveniently mounted basket behind your fully adjustable chair, the happier you’ll be.
Dear Uncle Ted,
Is the video for Don Henley’s “The Boys of Summer” a treatise on the difficulty of confronting aging and loss, or a Proustian lament for a distant summer fling?
G.F., Los Angeles, CA
GF – I think Don Henley and director Jean-Baptiste Mondino were trying to tell us several things in 1984, one of which being: installing film projection screens into the walls of your house may seem like a cool idea, but they get boring fast.
Even screens placed serendipitously in alleys aren’t much of a draw. I mean, Don Henley backs away from his own face. Who does that?
Like many videos of the era (such as Young MC’s Bust A Move and Tone Loc’s Wild Thing) Summer bears a moral at its center. And that moral is: You will get tired of looking at a beach.