Cured meat we can believe in.

Dear Uncle Ted,

Is there any way I can hold the Republicans accountable for the last eight years of ass-hattery and support America’s favorite cured meat at the same time?

– A Concerned Voter With Some Disposable Income

Dear Concerned:

Yes.*

This is the front of the shirt. Awesome, I know.

Mmmmmm. Salty, smoky, fatty political discourse.

There’s also buttons, mugs, bags, kids’ clothing, sweatshirts and underwear. Yes, underwear. (Note: Uncle Ted will send a special Obama-related gift to the first person who buys a “Pro-BLT, Anti-GOP” thong.)

In this historic election year – it’s a sandwich we can believe in.

-Unk.

*Profits will be donated to Obama For America.

He always sounds like he’s trying to squeeze one out.

Dear Uncle Ted,

Is Joe Lieberman a traitor to his party or a patriot for his country?

– Asking Joe To Say It Ain’t So

AJTSIAS, one part of me wants to commend him for his willingness to sacrifice the goodwill of his former party for what he believes in. Another part of me wants to break a 2-by-4 across his pelvis for lending his support to a 137-year-old hypocrite who chose a whore-mongering moose-rapist as a running mate after following the failed ideals of his party rightward in a cynical pursuit of the White House.

What I’m trying to say, AJTSIAS, is: I’m torn. Joe’s not a bad guy. But one has to wonder if he’s been waiting out filibusters in an alcove near the Senate chamber, huffing bags of taxpayer-subsidized diesel.

Where have you gone, Joe?

-Unk.

P.S. I’d like to apologize for calling Gov. Palin a whore-monger. It’s an unfair and wholly reprehensible characterization. She did the best she could. Her daughter’s business is none of ours.

P.P.S. That being said, I’d like that girl’s phone number. Once she’s had that idiot hockey player’s baby, I get the feeling she’s gonna want something more stable. You know. With an older dude. Rrrrrowr.

Obama’s not out-fundraising McCain because of the INTERNET, buddy.

Dear Uncle Ted,

Is Jesus a Democrat or a Republican?

Mary Torkleson, Pittsburgh, PA

Mary – since Jesus’ last known address would place him in Jerusalem – and seeing as there’s a pretty significant amount of evidence that the man would, upon his return, head towards Israel, it would make His political inclinations and party affiliation as it relates to American politics somewhat beside the point.

It should be noted, however, that the Vatican is currently investigating a claim by state-side Catholics that every time Barack opens his bible, cashier’s checks made out to “Obama For America” fall out of it.

-Unk.