From August 5th, 2008:
Dear Uncle Ted,
I hear you have a new blog where you answer questions and give advice to people. Is this true?
– Sue, Albuquerque, NM
Dear Sue: Yes, it’s true. Though, strangely enough, not your questions. Except for this one. After this, you should take your relationship issues and bar bets regarding Rutherford Hayes’ sexual proclivities to someone who cares about your problems. Like Amy Dickinson. Or your mom.
But don’t call tonight. She’ll be busy. Rather – she’ll be biz-zay.
Dear Uncle Ted,
What sort of questions are you going to be answering?
– Alan, Brainerd, MN
Dear Alan: Hopefully, the questions I’ll be answering will be more interesting than yours.
Dear Uncle Ted,
Do you see yourself as a “Dear Abby” type, dispensing commonsense wisdom about real, everyday problems that touch the souls and lives of millions?
– Josie M, The Hague, Netherlands
Dear Josie: No.
Dear Uncle Ted,
Do we have to send you real questions?
– Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, Farmington, CT
Dear Miz Frankweiler: Your questions should be as real and heartfelt as my answers.
Dear Uncle Ted,
Do you think any of the established answer and advice columnists out there, like Dan Savage, Randy Cohen or Cecil Adams have anything to worry about from your new blog?
– Karl A., Racine, WI
Dear Karl: Those guys have nothing to worry about from my blog. As to Molotov cocktails thrown through their bedroom windows – well. We all have our crosses to bear.
Hope to hear from all of you very soon. Remember: I’m here to help.
-Unk.
Advice from Uncle Ted 